What is the Secret to a 72 Year Long Marriage? by Jennifer Costanza, LMFT

Saturday night, my husband and I went out to eat at one of our favorite local historical restaurants, Tony’s Jacal, in business since the 40’s. As the restaurant is now observing social distancing, we were welcomed inside and were left alone in a large room, separated from others with plastic. Also in the room, was this lovely couple about 15 feet away from us. We could tell that they wanted to chat with us, so we asked how long they have been coming here. “Since 1960”, said Joseph. Boy, I thought I had been coming here for a long time, 30 years now, but he sure has me beat at 60 years!. His wife, Patricia, had a huge smile and did two thumbs up. They laughed and giggled together as they sat close together in the booth.

Joseph then started to tell us about Jack Lalanne and his secret to staying young. “a great sex life”. And again, Patricia put two thumbs up and giggled. I then asked the couple how long they have been married. “72 years”, they said, with smiles and more thumbs up. Wow, amazing! This is the ONLY couple I have ever met that has been married that long. We congratulated them and asked, “what is your secret to a long lasting marriage?” Joseph did not even hesitate and he emphatically replied with, “forgiveness!” “We give each other forgiveness, just like that”, as he snapped his fingers in the air. Again, both were smiling, giggling and Patricia gave another two thumbs up.

Sounds so simple, right? I talked with my husband after meeting Joseph and Patricia, and we both agreed they had the key to a successful relationship. We are all human, and we all make mistakes. When true mistakes are made with good intentions, can we extend forgiveness? Can we get beyond ourselves and remember what we love about this other human? I believe we can. Forgiveness is a choice.

My husband and I absolutely loved and enjoyed meeting and talking to Joseph and Patricia and we all toasted together for her 93rd birthday and their 72 years together. We hope to see them again in the future. They were so inspiring and I hope their story also inspires you.

Take good care of yourself and the ones you love, and remember Joseph and Patricia during the next opportunity to offer your partner forgiveness.