4 Fantastic Tips to Parenting a Child with Attention Issues, by Guenette du Ville, LMFT
Parents frequently ask me how they can get their children to listen to them and follow instructions. Arguments often happen because the parents ask the child to do something, just to find hours later that the task was never done. These parents get frustrated, saying that their kids don't listen, or worse, believing that the kids refuse to listen.
Face it, with the growth of right-at-your-fingertips technology, as a species our attention spans are dwindling down to a few minutes at a time, about the length of a short YouTube video. The problem, however, becomes even worse when the child naturally has attention issues. Both the parents and the child feel frustrated and helpless, and these feelings can last longer than the task at hand. Repeated cycles of this struggle can even impact the relationship as a whole, breeding hopelessness and low self-worth for the whole family.
Just a few simple adjustments can make the family's life easier. Whether your child is distractable or has ADHD, Here are 4 quick tips:
1. Get their full attention before giving them instructions.
This may mean getting down to their eye level, getting eye contact, and then giving instructions. I can't expect someone to listen fully when I'm shouting at them from the other room, not knowing if they are in the middle of something. When a child is hyper focused on something, all of their attention is consumed with no room for anything else. In order for the child to really attune to the instructions, they need to refocus their attention fully, and we can help them by connecting with them face to face.
2. 2-4 steps to do (depending of age and level of development).
A child with attention issues can be easily overwhelmed when given too many instructions. The mind just 'shuts down' and a blank spacey look emerges from that beautiful face. Instead of getting frustrated, we can give the child 2-4 sequential steps of instructions. To ensure that the child is really attuning, we can help by asking them to repeat the instructions.
3. Check back in to see their progress.
We may hope that the child does exactly what we say when we say it, but sometimes that may be a lot to expect. Give them a bit of a chance - check in with them after a while, and don't get upset when they haven't done the task. Remind them once, have them repeat the steps again, and if necessary, give them a deadline.
4. Praise them for their effort!
Praising our child lets them know what they are doing is right, and since we want them to keep doing 'right,' we need to communicate what is the right thing to do. Knowing they are doing something right and being acknowledged for it also gives the child confidence and satisfaction of self. And who doesn't want a confident, secure child?
Every child is different, and no matter what the parenting books say, there isn't one trick that is guaranteed to work for your child. That said, setting your child up for success by applying these four tips just may serve to decrease the level of frustration in your family, and increase the level of peace in your home... also, those Legos may finally get put away!
Guenette du Ville, LMFT works with adolescents and parents towards behavioral change and conflict resolution. To contact Guenette, call 619-272-6858 x702 or email at guenette@anxietytraumatherapy.com.
