It’s an old adage many of us are familiar with - “we are not in control of what happens to us, but we are in control of our response to it”. And while this is true, there are many of us who struggle to navigate responding to stressful situations in ways that feel helpful, adaptive, and effective. In fact, many of us may feel we have not learned how to process our big emotions in a way that keeps them from lingering just under the surface. A struggle to feel that we are able to fully “deal with” these emotions can lead to feelings of burnout and an overall struggle to cope with the highs and lows of life. And while we cannot control these highs and lows – we can adapt better practices to manage and transmute them in ways that feel more helpful and valuable to us and our long-term wellbeing.

Introduce the stress response cycle – the body’s natural response to anything the brain perceives as a threat. Like all biological processes, the stress response cycle has a beginning, middle, and end. If we find that we get stuck in and don’t complete this cycle, we may suffer negative outcomes like depression, increased blood pressure, overwhelm, relational distress, and more. Drs. Amelia and Emily Nagoski, authors of “Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle” have discovered that if we can help our bodies complete this cycle, we can experience better health outcomes. Below are some evidence-based strategies that can helpyour body complete its stress response cycle:

1. Physical activity. This can be anything that gets you moving that you enjoy! Movement helps to burn off excess adrenaline and calm the nervous system back to its neutral state after a stressor.

2. Creativity. Create something in a way that feels good for you. Write, draw, sing, knit, or play. The most important part is that you enjoy it!

3. Laughing. If you can do this in connection with someone else, all the better. Laughter allows us to express all of the emotions we’ve been keeping inside.

4. Crying. Crying is one of our body’s natural ways of releasing stress and so allowing tears to flow freely when they arise helps us to close the cycle.

5. Physical affection. More specifically, a long (20 second) hug with someone you trust or spending time with a beloved pet. Physical touch in this way can release oxytocin, which can help regulate our emotions and create increased feelings of trust and connection, and helps our heart rate slow and return to a more balance physical and emotional state.

6. Deep breathing. Our breath is one of our most powerful tools in managing stress as it is always available to us and asks us to remain in the present moment. In order to calm your vagus nerve and feel more relief quicker, try to make your exhales twice as long as your inhales. There are also great apps like Calm and Insight Timer, or even YouTube, that have guided meditations/breathing exercises that can be helpful.

Using these practices are not a cure-all or panacea for the inherent stress that is part of the human experience, but practicing them more and integrating them into your tool box of coping skills gives you the power respond to life on your terms and navigate the trials and tribulations in a way that feels more empowering to you.

Drs. Amelia and Emily Nagoski said it best - “It’s how we deal with stress—not what causes it—that releases the stress, completes the cycle, and ultimately, keeps us from burning out. You can’t control every external stressor that comes your way. The goal isn’t to live in a state of perpetual balance and peace and calm; the goal is to move through stress to calm, so that you’re ready for the next stressor, and to move from effort to rest and back again.”

Haley is currently taking new clients and may be contacted by phone at 619-272-6858 X703, or by email at haley@anxietytraumatherapy.com